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Recovery is hard

I am making progress. Albeit, slow progress. I can already see a change in how I think. If I have a negative thought, I acknowledge it then let it go and replace it with a positive thought. I have been writing down what I am grateful for every day in my journal. That has made it routine for me to notice the things that are going right for me. Even when I am not writing. I am getting more comfortable with meditating. In the beginning, I couldn't quiet my mind. Now with practice, I can focus better. I am also noticing when my mind starts racing that I can recognize and stop it. I am slowly adding physical activity. Right now I am doing 10 minutes of cardio about 3 times a week. I am trying to make it an everyday thing. It has been hard since I still have a lot of anxiety and I haven't been feeling well. Which really sucks because exercise is one of the best things for anxiety. 

Something shifted in my brain this week. Mental illness and Narcolepsy have stolen a lot of years from me. I am in my 30's and I feel as though I haven't lived at all. Especially the last ten years I have been locked inside a prison in my mind. So scared to go outside or do anything. I am tired of being held back by illness. I want to break these walls down and learn to cope better with my illnesses so that I can live a better life. I had so many hopes and dreams that I have put on the back burner and forgotten about because of it. I never really looked to the future because I was so sure I was not going to live long. Now I am excited that I have the power to do something to help myself. 

It is all about educating yourself and trying new things. You also have to want to get better. Some of us sit in our pit of despair because it is familiar to us. It is a part of our identity. If we give that up then we have nothing. We are stuck in a never-ending loop of negativity. It is a habit. It physically changes the way our brains look and think. The good thing is that Neuroplasticity exists. Our brains are malleable. We can form new neural pathways. Increase gray volume matter. It is super simple to do. Just by learning new things and exposing ourselves to different experiences. There is hope. Is this the cure for mental illness? No. It can however still improve your quality of life. 

I am just in the beginning stages of my experiment on myself and I can see improvements. It is hard work. You have to do it for yourself because no one else can do it for you. I hope I can show you a happier me with a better quality of life at the end of this.

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