Skip to main content

How am I really feeling? TW: Self Harm, suicide, depression, anxiety

Smile
Just smile and Fake it
Nod your head, make eye contact.
Don't fidgit.
Don't avert your eyes.
Tell the Doctor what he wants to hear.
Don't give them any reason to not believe you.
Choke back the tears.
You can cry when you're alone.
Stuff the emotions deep down.
Hide your wrists.
Wear long sleeves.
Delete the VODs.
No one will know.
Hide the razors.
Clean up the blood.
Hide the tissue.
Leave no evidence.
At night you can cry.
Do what you need to feel.
Punish yourself for being a failure.
Everyone is tired of you.
Your constant disappointments.
Your pathetic attempts at love.
You're too emotional.
No one wants to hear you whine.
Delete that tweet.
No one liked it anyway.
Why are you making that post?
People are laughing at you.
You're a hypocrite.
You can't even take care of yourself.
You're a horrible Mother.
He would be better off an orphan.
No one will love you.
Why do you even try?



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Americans need access to Mental Healthcare NOW

This originally started out as a tweet after I became upset after searching for Therapy for myself. I suffer from PTSD, Panic Disorder, and a Mood Disorder. Last fall I went off of the 4 different medications I was on because I could not function. I was a zombie all the time and had no quality of life. Because I am no longer on those medications I struggle every day. Especially during times like these when my PTSD is triggered by the current events. I made a promise to someone that I would get help. Today I was looking into therapy. One therapy I am particularly interested in is Ketamine Therapy. Ketamine Treatment can save lives. Especially for individuals like me who are medication-resistant. I have tried every medicine currently available for my disorders. None of them made the soul-crushing depression go away. The side effects outweighed the benefits which is why I was advised to detox from them. I went through three long months of withdrawals after being on one of the medications

Addressing the reoccuring sexual assault theme of SAO from a survivors point of view ***TRIGGER WARNING***

Recently I was asked my thoughts on the reoccurring sexual assault themes in SAO. My friend knew I had PTSD and wanted to know how I felt about it. After watching more of the series I felt I needed to revisit the topic in a blog post. First, I believe the topic should be talked about in any medium. Whether it is a TV Show, Book, Movie, or mature Anime. It is important to get the conversation going and raise awareness. It must be addressed in such a way as to educate and not romanticize the topic. These are my opinions on the subject and not how anyone should feel. If these scenes bothered you and you don't think they should have been included, that is your right. You have to do what makes you comfortable. The first time sexual assault came up in SAO was Season 2 Episode 13. Sinon was attacked by her friend and he tried to rape her. The episode gave me pause. At first, I was triggered by the scenario. It really upset me. Here was this already broken character, who had bee

Rehab Diary Day 7: Saturday November 14, 2020 TW:Self Harm, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide

Shouko is my favorite anime movie character. She is so strong. I relate so much to her and Sinon. They have both been through so much and persevered.  I have been enjoying sitting outside on the back porch facing Cases Cove and rocking in the rocking chair while meditating. Today I listened to one of my new favorite songs. Nandemonaiya: song on spotify  ,  lyrics  . I like the English version which is strange because when it comes to anime I prefer Japanese. I really need to get a rocking chair so I can continue meditating and getting sun and fresh air at least once a day. I had nightmares again last night. I don't know if they would have been worse without the Prazosin or if it is helping. I didn't have as much trouble waking up this morning but falling asleep was hard. I was overthinking all day yesterday.  Saw the Dr. this morning. They are going to go up on one of my medicines to help with the depression.  11:00 Smart goals group 4:30pm Process Group